Luke Brunning & Natasha McKeever, “Asexuality”

Posted: Wed, Feb 19, 2025

In-Class Activity

  • Does romantic attraction always require sexual attraction?
  • Can you desire something without being attracted to it?

Asexuality

Asexuality: absence of sexual attraction.

  • ≠ absence of other kinds of attraction
  • ≠ absence of sexual desire
  • ≠ absence of sexual activity
  • ≠ a lack (not being attracted to certain people/things is not in and of itself a “problem”!)
  • ≠ celibacy (desire vs. attraction)

Ace/aro spectrum:

  • Asexual: does not experience sexual attraction.
  • Aromantic: does not experience romantic attraction.
  • Graysexual/gray-ace: experiences sexual attraction to some extent.
  • Grayromantic/gray-aro: experiences romantic attraction to some extent.
  • Demisexual: experiences sexual attraction only after forming a deep emotional bond.
  • Demiromantic: experiences romantic attraction only after forming a deep emotional bond.

Attraction vs. desire

  • Attraction is directed toward individual people/things; desire need not.
    • We are attracted to somebody/something.
    • Desire can instead be directed toward “situations, roles, or scenarios” (p. 504).
    • Desire can also be non-directed at all: “I don’t so much fantasize as much as I focus on how my body is feeling and listen to music and create a space for me to enjoy my body. . . . It’s a time to let my body and mind unwind and not focus on anything else other than the little bubble I have for myself” (p. 504).
  • Attraction involves experiencing somebody/something as “inviting” (better, drawn to them?); desire need not.
    • “Attraction to the pool is not necessary for you to have, or act on, the desire to swim. You might have had the desire to swim anyway and may swim despite being averse to the pool” (p. 499).

Asexual & aromantic attraction

We can be attracted to one another in lots of different ways:

  • Sexual (they are hot!)
  • Romantic (I want to be with them!)
  • Aesthetic (they are cute!)
  • Sensual (their hair is so soft! their voice is so sweet!)
  • Intellectual (I love the way their mind works!)
  • Emotional (they have a wonderful personality! I vibe with them!)

The important thing: attraction ≠ sexual attraction ≠ romantic attraction.